I was raised in a household where Jesus and the Church were a center point of our home. Despite my parents’ efforts I wandered astray in my early adulthood. I was self absorbed and living for the flesh in the world. I lived in the moment to a flaw, believing I was invincible. I tried different churches but my heart wasn’t in it and I felt I had control of things. I could talk to God when I wanted; I didn’t need religion to facilitate that relationship. I would come to see through a series of events that the relationship with God starts with a conversation, but for me it is so much more.
My first real recognition of God’s grace came at the age of 26. I suffered a massive cerebral lesion to the left side of the brain. This left me with full paralysis on my left side. I was told I would not walk again and probably not regain processing past elementary years. Through this I felt a sense of calm and peace. I had been humbled and knew this was not what God wanted for me. So many people came to me and lifted me up in prayer. This was when I saw the importance of having a community to worship with. I began returning to church but still not regularly and I guess still on my terms. I believe I was still trying to do it my way, picking from the buffet what I wanted and putting aside what I did not.
God once again, through love and grace, would teach me through a blessing. I was now back on my feet and feeling back in control. With this I still felt an intense sense of loneliness, not understanding why I couldn’t find someone and why I was alone. Now at 31, the year 2000, my life would change forever. In February of that year I realized the flu I thought I had was not the flu at all. I was pregnant and alone. I couldn’t believe it; my first thought was God how could you do this to me. Well this was my first understanding of how God doesn’t do things to us but he will let things happen. I also learned that as life happen he is there all the time for every moment and never turns away.
Upon my discovery, I was in shock and afraid. I knew my parents would be angry and disappointed. My friends wouldn’t know what to do with me and well what would people think. Tremendous fear had every option enter my mind. I didn’t know what to do and was not in control in any way. I found myself sitting in an office thinking I could fix this, if I could make this go away. Sitting in the office I had an overwhelming feeling to walk out, not to go through with what I thought was the answer. I got up and walked out that day. Still avoiding family and friends I was once again alone, not knowing what to do and where to go.
I would make the decision to keep and raise the baby, knowing she would not have a dad, and my family was still trying to come to terms with the pregnancy. Friends were not coming around as much, so I had a great deal of time alone. It was at this time that I began going to church. Still with feelings of fear and shame, I did not go to mass but just to sit in church. I began going to church after a family friend that is a priest reached out to me. His words were encouraging and very different from the reactions I was getting from others. He simply said, “You can do this, with God anything is possible.” I would meditate on these words. This was the second time I felt that peace like before. That this would be ok.
The journey did begin, in that nine months, I matured, came to see there was more to the world than me. I experienced Confession and the Mass in a way I had not before. Confession released me from my shame, that I could now prepare and be excited for her arrival. Yes I was having a baby girl and I wanted her to enter this world with joy. I spent most of those months working, and home alone. I found my comfort in the Word; I came to love and realize the importance of the Bible. By the time of her birth I was going to church, praying more intently, and made the decision I wanted to baptize her.
This really was just the beginning. Ele’onore Grace Heno was born on September 20, 2001. In her 17 years God has taught me so much through her. He has healed our family and brought us closer than ever before. As I noticed his grace I began looking for ways to participate more fully in the Church. I have learned so much about my faith and have a deeper connection with God. I enjoy spending time in the Word, attending adoration and look forward to celebration of the mass. I feel as though every week I get to go to my friend’s house for a visit. I have learned that obstacles and challenges are part of life. My faith assures me that God is with me and I will get through whatever is in front of me. 2 Corinthians 5:7: “ for we walk by faith, not by sight”. Through the Church I have support and community to nurture and grow this relationship. Ele’ and I continue on our journey here at St. Catherine of Siena. As we pray for our parish family we ask that you pray for us.